'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Fast Five

Week 8 on Dancing With the Stars had no over-arching theme, but it was still pretty wacky. Maks hugged Len! Carrie Ann had bangs! And at one point, Tom Bergeron appeared alone on the top-level platform above the band to introduce a "ginormous" screen of Brooke interviewing the final five contestants as they raced to rehearse their instant jives. I know Tom has tightrope experience due to his extensive mime training, but I still had a tremendous sense of unease the whole time he was up there -- it was like he was dancing all over the third rail of the NYC subway. Just blatantly tempting death. Stop it, Tom! We need you aliiiiiiiiiiiiive!

Thankfully, he did. Brooke, by the way, had apparently swathed herself in last year's discounted Christmas wrapping paper so that she won't feel guilty about buying too much again this year. To match its tackiness, she racheted the makeup level to "clown" and finished off the look with an inexplicably ratty fishtail braid. But why am I spending so much valuable think-space on Brooke when I should be reveling in the return of her little friend? Read More...



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