Bored to Death Recap: Shaving the Ol’ Side-Belly

Jonathan sure got a lot of mileage from his appearance on The Dick Cavett Show. The biggest piece of news to come out of "Two Large Pearls and a Bar Of Gold" (I’ll never think of Zach Galifianakis’s penis in the same way again — not that I thought of it before) is revealed near the end. Jonathan gets a call from someone who saw him on the show, ready to reveal information about the Fair Lawn sperm bank and the whereabouts of his missing father. It’s a bookend to the episode’s unsatisfying beginning: Jonathan travels to Fair Lawn and interrogates the owner of a fur store situated next to the site of the former sperm bank, which went up in flames in 1981. The man knows nothing, and Jonathan’s forced to return to New York with only a mink shawl for his mom and the disappointment of finding yet another dead end.

But there’s business to tide him over. Patti Stevenson, the girl to whom he lost his virginity at Princeton many years ago, is getting married in a few days, and her father — big fan of his appearance on Cavett — needs someone to guard the non-penis-related family jewels. (Concurrently, Leah catches Ray fooling around with Olympia Dukakis in the bathtub, playing a deep sea diver-type game where she digs around for his "two large pearls and a gold bar.") They’re in the form of a valuable necklace worth upwards of a hundred thousand dollars, and they must be protected for the wedding ceremony. He brings along Ray and George, who are promised weed, booze, and some cool outfits that make them look like longshoremen — but also, what else are they gonna do, really? — and settles in for a night at a spooky old house with a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist. He’s determined not to lose this necklace; he never loses anything, even his sunglasses, which most people do. Read More...


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