'Dancing With the Stars' season finale recap: Hero Worship

After a two-hour season 13 finale featuring two more competitive dances, the return of the entire cast, and the ChmerkoVogue routine of some of Carson Kressley's naughtier dreams, the winners of Dancing With the Stars are J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff. This marks the first time Karina's tiny, sexy fingers got to barely scrape the bottom of a COVETED MIRRORBALL TROPHY of her own. I think I'm just as excited for Our Prematurely Nostalgic Pro as I am for Our War Hero!

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke took second place after (of course) tying J.R. and Karina with perfect 30s in an instant samba that pitted two of America's most powerful factions against each other: pink and yellow fringe/jeweled suspenders VS. lime green and turquoise tiered ruffles. It was a rainbow sherbet vs. funfetti ice cream battle for the ages, appropriately set to a song about bonbons. Everybody won. The DANCMSTR even opted out of his usual air of condesc-Lension and gave a standing O to both J.R. and Rob. Read More...



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