American Horror Story Recap: Better Off Dead

I love the Final Destination franchise, and so I always look forward to a new episode from FD writer James Wong. In fact, every time I nearly choke on a mozzarella stick or slip in a puddle of coconut body splash, I refer to it as "having a James Wong episode," because these are the kinds of undignified ways I'd go if Death were trying to get me. But James, I have to take issue with the name of this AHS episode. "Smoldering Children"? Yikes, there's a Google search that's going to get you on an FBI watch list.

"Smoldering" — ugh — "Children" opens in the Murder House dining room in the eventful year of 1994. "Ladies and gentlemen, the ham," Constance announces. Alas, she's being literal and it's not [insert any character from AHS here]. She's serving dinner to her unhappily blended family, Addy, Larry, and Tate. Tate takes the opportunity to say the kind of passive-aggressive grace that only a teenager can, when he's trying to piss off their stepdads and provide a chronology for a confused audience. "My father ran off when I was 6," he prays, by way of explanation.("Hold on, does that make sense?" replied God, counting on His fingers. "How old did the cheerleader say she would be?") Read More...


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