'American Idol' season premiere recap: Just Peachy

Oooooooo-ee! It's back! The show we grew up with! Ha, hardly. But these kids -- oh, these precious little kids. They all have American Idolscrapbooks and colorful poster boards about their American Idol obsessions that they probably made for class. Ohhhh they're so young. You're pretty old, you know?

"Where were YOU when it all started?" Ryan Seacrest's voice boomed out. I imagined him following that up with an enthusiastic yet mocking, "Which single-digit age were YOU in 2002? Hello? Ma'am?"

And so it begins. Welcome back, olds and kids who know how to read! It's good to be back. Feels real warm in here. Let's just pretend The X Factor never happened, okay?

A long and nearly tear-inducing (what? I'm excited!) montage of the past 10 seasons was set to "Forever Young," which you are not. But come on, now. Do you really want to live forever, or do you want to get a golden ticket to Hollywood in hopes that just maybe you won't crash and burn like nearly everyone else? Step right up. There's plenty of room in this line of 10,000 toaster strudels baking in the Southern sun. If a 16-year-old from North Carolina can win, you can do that. You're gonna go where Scotty McCreery went, dude! Remember, you can do anything. Read More...



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