'American Idol' recap

The crazy train that is "American Idol" auditions has moved into tony Aspen, Colo. Here are the few and the shamelessly proud that "Idol" producers made a point of highlighting: Jenny Schick, the music teacher, brought her teeth, thigh-high boots and theatrics for her audition. It turns out Steven Tyler, Lady Gaga and Adam Levine are all on her "I get to kiss you with no repercussions from my boyfriend" list. Ryan Seacrest politely turns down whatever contagion she's offering him, but Steven is more than happy to oblige. She sings "Heartbreaker" by Pat Benatar, and even though she she was off on some notes, everyone likes her "energy," especially Steven, who kisses her full on the mouth. I can't tell for sure, but I have the feeling that's going to end up badly for both of them -- luckily, there's a cream for that.Curtis Gray is sort of nondescript and sings in church, on the golf course, wherever he is, whenever he can. He sings "[It's So] Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men. The judges love him without elaboration. Talena "Dog" Ron has a twin sister named Stevie. She wears kooky glasses and has a nose ring. She's had such a rough life, because everyone always used to tell her how great her sister is. Boooo! She just wants out of her shadow, ok? Why this matters, I'm not sure. Her sister's not even trying out. She's pretty terrible. When she's finished, Randy says, "You're funny, man." She's sent home so she can finish pushing pins into her Stevie voodoo dolls. Hippy, crunchy Hayley Smith lives off the grid in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. She sings "Tell Me Something Good" and it's got a bluesy vibe punctuated by giggles. Steven is "honored to be here." Randy says she has a "natural gift." Elena Snare serves up bull testes to thirsty patrons at the local watering hole. The best part of her audition involved the barnyard sounds of cows and chickens that they spliced into her voice. Shelby Lynn is bi-polar, but "Idol" has given her a reason to take her meds. J. Lo looks likes she wants to adopt her and take her home to Max and Emme. Read More...



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