'The Bachelor: After the Final Rose' Recap: In Which the First Part of That 'Ever After' Wasn't So 'Happily'

I'm exhausted, aren't you? After two hours of watching Ben and Courtney and ABC try so hard to convince us that they're a picture-perfect fairytale couple who defied the odds to find perfect, ultimate, forever-happiness, now we have to/get to spend an hour watching them all UNDO that with a little somethin' called REALITY? Reality TV is exhausting enough. Reality-reality is a stonecold bummer.

The episode starts out strangely. Given the "sensitive nature" of these conversations, Chris Harrison literally asks us to "withhold judgment about this relationship." Are you serious? I know you're the host, Chris, but you do ... know ... what kind of show this is, right? And what kind of "fans" you have for your wicked bethemoth of a show? If we can't judge, we may literally suffocate and die. And does that mean I'm not allowed to give my opinions about this episode in this article? Am I breaking any rules here? But I HAVE TO JUDGE! THIS IS MY JOB, TOO, HARRISON!



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