American Idol Recap: A Night for Feeling Old

O, the Internet is abuzz with rumors of Gentle Giant Jermaine Jones’s dismissal from American Idol, and Ryan Seacrest addresses it right away, in a statement that is Palinesque in its syntax: "You know, through the years, this show has not been without its fair share of controversy. And tonight is no exception. With the cooperation of law enforcement, we discovered information which left us with no choice but to eliminate one of our finalists from the competition. When you’re doing a live show, anything can happen. THIS. Is American Idol." Thanks, Ryan; it’s all very clear now.

Here’s what I think is going to happen: They’re going to bring him out, read him his rap sheet, make him sing for his life, kick him off, then bring him back, and repeat the process as many times as it takes for him to fly into a stool-throwing, set-destroying rampage. I have popcorn and a rewind function at the ready. Let’s do this. Read More...


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