'The Real Housewives of Orange County' Recap: Making Up and Journalism are Hard to Do

Well hello, ladies, gays, empty air, distracted husbands and whoever else watches Real Housewives of Orange County these days! Carla's on vacation this week, so I'm filling in with my personal take on tonight's episode. Don't worry, I've been recapping The Bachelor and America's Next Top Model for literally years, so I've got lots of experience documenting the misadventures of vain, oblivious, Barbie-shaped narcissism-machines in their undying quests for immortality, the finer things and hollow validation.

The thing is: I've never SEEN the Real Housewives of Orange County. I know. I know.

I've read scattered RHOC news and seen those commercials where the old one opens her mouth real wide and is like "Whaaaaat?" (every commercial), but that's really it. Beverly Hills and New Jersey are more my jam; so sue me! (Or threaten to do so via email, Russell Armstrong style.) So this is going to be an experiment of sorts. At seven seasons (that's 49 seasons in reality show years), RHOC is the eldest Housewives collection in Andy Cohen's underwater garden of souls. What does the show look like to an absolute newcomer? Is the drama even remotely relatable or accessible if you don't know these women and their long, cyclical lists of betrayals, beefs, treaties and takesies-backsies? Will I even be able to tell all the blonde ones apart? Let's FIND OUT!



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