The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Wearing White Don’t Make You Pure

I regret to inform you all that I am not Julie Klausner. We can all learn something from this: You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need. Which, in this case, is to read about what would happen if the cast of Jersey Shore were handed mortgages in Franklin Lakes after a decade of having their souls sucked out of their assholes in Azkaban. So let's do it. If we were using Friends titles, this would be "The One Where They Wear Bindis and Screech at Each Other."

Down at the shore, Teresa inquires of husband Joe: Will it be weird to see Richie after Candleholdergate? "I woulda rather neva saw that motha-efffa," Joe grunts as he does pull-ups on a bar in the doorway. Sidekick Jacqueline appears and Teresa fills her in on the fissure growing between herself and brother Joe Gorga, which is totally inexplicable and clearly has nothing to do with Teresa telling Joe Gorga that his wife Melissa will leave him for a richer man (predicated not upon any concrete Smell Yo' Dick–type proof, but upon the fact that "she rubs [Teresa] as that type of girl"). Read More...


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