'Rock of Ages' Review: Somebody Please Unplug This Jukebox Musical

When club owner Dennis (Alec Baldwin) gives busboy Drew (Diego Boneta) the big break of opening for rock legend Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise), he tells the newbie, "Three songs. No covers."

By the end of "Rock of Ages" -- at which the point the audience has been subjected to two hours of Reagan-era pop hits recorded in a way that makes Kidz Bop sound like "Glee" and "Glee" sound like GWAR -- the idea of a mere trio of original tunes sounds like a slice of heaven.

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