The X Factor Recap: Panda Has Pneumonia

Tonight’s X Factor used inspiration as a weapon. And not a good weapon, either; a cheap, flimsy butter knife they keep jabbing into your side. Tonight was one long story of triumph, one garish flower after another busting out of some perfectly nice concrete. I think they’re trying to life-affirm us to death.

We start in Kansas City, and as usual, the show begins with hugely contrived banter among perfectly lit townspeople. One kid in her bedroom says to her sister: "they’re supposably doing X Factor auditions in Kansas City!" Oh, so this is the first time you’re hearing of it? Then why are you on camera with a microphone on your shirt? Also: The word is supposedly. Honestly, if Mitt Romney promised to address "supposably" in his first 100 days, I would vote for that dude in a heartbeat. We could tackle your/you’re in a second term. Read More...


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