'Gossip Girl' Recap: Everyone Has Officially Slept With Everyone Else

This week on Gossip Girl, the show finally closes the Upper East Side sex loop. We now know that if you take any two random Upper East Siders, there are strong odds they've had sex while on uppers in a wine cellar.

If the rich and famous of the Upper East Side are our modern day royalty, then this is like how they used to keep it in the family to keep the bloodlines pure. Which would certainly explain Serena and Nate's intelligence levels.

Meanwhile, Blair and Chuck go off in search of a My Little Pony mystery. Plus, we learn that in his spare time, Bart enjoys drowning kittens and turning beautiful thoroughbreds into glue, because who needs dimensions when a character can just be Doctor Evil? "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" Bart cackles at Chuck and then flies away on his broomstick to slap an ice cream cone out of a child's hand and fill up a gallon of illegal oil.



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