The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Everyone’s Bored in Ojai

Hello, pals! First things first: If you saw a familiar name underneath a friendly, lumpy Jewish face on last night’s Watch What Happens Live, it’s because I was the bartender on the show! A huge THANK YOU to all of the commenters who encouraged the kind and attractive folks at Bravo to make that happen. My only regret was that I didn’t put some Ensure and a couple of tablespoons of peanut butter into Taylor’s cocktail. Bitch needs to gain another ten pounds YESTERDAY.

Moving onto the main event! Last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was, sadly, another round of crappy foreplay before whatever coitus is, hopefully, coming our way soon. And to showcase such boring non-hijinks on a trip, no less? The horror. Even tourists to this franchise know that whenever Real Housewives go away together, crazy stuff happens. Vegas Casinos are snubbed, Suitcases are gotten into, and entire New York City pizzas are left while Kelsey Grammer is still getting into character, blocks away. But apparently no cast member this season got the drama memo! WAS THE DRAMA MEMO LOST IN TRANSIT? Did Giggy eat the drama memo? Did the drama memo disappear along with Jill Zarin’s Bravo presence and the expression “I didn’t get the memo,” of which she was particularly fond? Nobody knows. But after the “Shut the fuck up” comment Brandi lobbed at Adrienne during dinner their first night in Ojai, the ladies pretty much got along and behaved themselves. And I am not okay with this! Come on, you chicken birds! Start pecking! Don’t be the “homework television” to Real Housewives of Miami’s Spring Break TV! Mama Elsa can only do so much heavy lifting. Read More...

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