American Horror Story Recap: Bad Santa

Merry early Christmas, you godless pinheads. After last week's relatively tame episode, we're back to the kind of snappy, rapey dialogue that makes me simultaneously want to giggle and cry. You know, like when you hear someone has died and you start laughing uncontrollably. That's me, every time somebody on this show says something about breast milk, Auschwitz, or crucifix rape.

When we begin it's 1962, and a sixties Santa is promising a sixties child a sixties coonskin cap. Remember how simple childhood used to be? I don't, I'm young, and I very logically like expensive things that beep instead of wearing dead things on my head. But then, an indignant Ian McShane shows up. He thinks Santa is a cruel deception. In fact, he's so adamant that children be dealt with honestly that he caps Santa in the head! Man, these Brooklyn parents. (Before we move on, and we will, I promise, is there anything scarier than those Salvation Army Santas? I went to my Key Food recently and instead of a bell, the guy had a clarinet. I know! Jazz.) Read More...


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