The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Psychic Abilities

Last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ended as it began — with Mauricio making an ass of himself. First, we picked up from last week’s Mauricio-versus-Brandi showdown, which transpired in a very classy restaurant featuring pull-down paper towel dispensers near its terlet stalls. In this scene, Kyle’s wretched husband told Brandi that she deserved to be sued by Adrienne and Paul Maloof because she spake ill of them with an afouled and bitter wench tongue. “Honey, stop it,” Kyle cooed in her beloved’s ear, because she was angry he was getting more attention than her ponytail dance.

So Brandi excused herself to the loo because she hadn’t expected a man in filthy running shoes to bark at her after waiting an hour for hummus, and while she was wiping her eyes with single-ply T.P., Taylor took her absence as a cue to grab a straw boater and a vaudeville cane and weasel her way onto the emotional stage for a wine-fueled installation of the Taylor Show. “Nobody has it harder than me,” we tried not to hear Armstrong tell a patiently nodding Camille. That was sad and gross. But not as gross and sad (grad?) as Kim’s concurrent bonding moment with “Maurice” about how she believes the key to being an economically independent single mother is to not … gossip. Good point, Kim. Way to chime in on that universally relevant issue. And while I’m flexing my sarcasm muscles, Kim — way to have any insight whatsoever into the concept of forgiveness! Remember how Brandi apologized multiple times to you about her meth accusation, to which you responded, “I accept your apology”? Do you remember that? Any recollection at all? Or are the spooky ghosts in your bedroom clouding up your memory as well as your concept of grace, you asshole? Read More...

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