The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Ground Rules for Dummies

I’m so glad we’re back, but I'm even more excited that we’re moving away from Bootygate 2012 and into more serious matters like pageantry, potentially life-threatening illness, and the sweet tea/chopped corn combination Kandi was trying to turn into a Sunday meal. There was entirely too much Porsha in this episode, and I’ve reached a point where I might have to breach some of my feminist principles about avoiding snark in order to convey her strident idiocy.

Inside her gingerbread house deep in the Lollipop Woods of Candyland, Porsha is trying on dresses for Kordell’s upcoming 40th-birthday party. Her sister, Lauren, and her mom, Tina Knowles, cheer her on as she flounces around in the blue version of the dress the Peaches n’ Cream Barbie I owned in the 1985 used to wear. Tina Knowles thought she needed more cleavage, and Lauren reminded Porsha that Kordell is "very particular" about what she wears, so Porsha walked us through a showcase of her best dress selections from Rockette to Vanna White, giving us Kenya-twirling REALNESS the whole time. The way these two camera-hungry buffoons reinforced her delusions that any of these outfits fit with the chosen birthday theme of "Harlem Nights" explains how it was possible for Porsha to grow up with such a lack of perspective. She finally picked a dress that was "comportioned" to her waist, which is finally the mispronounced-word nail in the coffin that has sent my spell-checker to its grave. Read More...


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