Smash Recap: Scarily We Roll Along

You guys, I’m having kind of a weird night. First of all, I’m still feeling really burnt out from the Oscars. After more than 48 straight hours of meticulously inventorying each and every possible way in which Seth MacFarlane might have offended each and every sentient organism in this or any possible worlds, and making this, and attempting to finally make sense of my deeply complicated feelings about Anne Hathaway, a process that required two phone calls to my therapist with the eventual breakthrough that everything I think I don’t like about Anne are really things I don’t like about myself — well, now I know how war correspondents feel.

And then, after spending the difficult pre-Smash hours guzzling caffeinated beverages and reading everything I could get my hands on about the “Cannibal Cop,” I went to the store for emergency Haribo and there was this creepy guy I’d never seen before hanging out in the lobby of my building who followed me there and back, and all I could think was Oh my God, if I get serial murdered in the boiler room tonight, Ben is totally going to forget to explain to my editor why I didn’t turn in my recap! Honestly, I’m still half expecting him to burst in any minute with a stainless-steel flaying kit and a full set of Mikasa dinnerware. Do you think he would honor a last request to have my flesh ground and baked into pies, instead of braised or grilled? If I must be murdered and consumed by a psychopathic maniac, at least I’d like to know that the meal was Sweeney Todd themed. Read More...


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