American Idol Recap: Go Away, Boys, You Bother Me

Tonight! It’s the top ten boys! Please don’t notice them! Also, please don’t use your Supervote on them! For real: Nobody even mentions the fact that you can vote 50 times at all, ever. Anyway, let’s spend two hours on ten guys a whole network is actively rooting against.

Young Elijah Liu is being cast as the young heartthrob, and it’s a role he’s not well-suited to, because he has an absolute blue-sky maximum of three pubic hairs. His version of Rihanna’s “Stay” is perfectly fine, if a little monochromatic. Still, Nicki says she can see his face on blankets and sheets, New Kids on the Block steez. Randy cuts in with “ ... and pillowcases? HA HAAA.” Yes. Yes, Randy, pillowcases are also included in the category of “bedding.” Why are you here? Read More...


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