The Voice Recap: Tortured Eliminations

Friends! Let me just tell you, I was extremely proud of America today. America made all the right decisions. America picked the pilgrim value of virtue over the more superficial charms of the glittering stage. Even when Benedict Arnold/Carson Daly wore a tie-dye tie, America did not waver. I could recite the Pledge of Allegiance right now.

The show started off beautifully with a Telescope voting scandal. I could not understand what happened in the scandal, but I loved Telescope. He was wearing the most beautiful gray suit and reminded me of Joe Kennedy. Welcome, Telescope! I hope this voting scandal unfurls and you become a regular part of these proceedings.



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