'Gossip Girl' recap: We'll always have Paris Season 4, Episode 1

It's been a long summer Gossip Gang. And after three months of chronicling Big Brother, aka the show with the least fashionable people on TV, my eyes have never beheld a sight as sweet as the gorgeously lavish garments that were on tonight's Gossip Girl. It was like coming home again - that is, if home is a place with baby daddies, man whores, new identities, and playful linguistic tricks that turn the g-i-n-a in a person's name into a play on the wordvagina. It's great to be back. [Spoilers ahead.]

Welcome to Paris, where if you did not spend your summer being a vespa slut who paints nude men like you're reenacting a scene in Titanic, your last name is clearly not van der Woodsen. And as usual, Serena was having enough fun for two, since Blair was still walking around with a Chuck-sized cloud over her head. (To which my filthy mind replied, Really, how big IS Chuck? Help me.)

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