On Sunday's episode of Desperate Housewives, Gaby ran into her old friend/statuatory rape victim John Rowland (Jesse Metcalfe), Bree dealt with jealousy when Karl finds a new flame, Lynette made some decisions about her pregnancy and Susan wanted answers from the Bolens in the wake of Julie's attack.
Gaby is feeling frumpy again, hence her hair is in a ponytail. The Solises are out to dinner, and they bump into John Rowland (Jesse Metcalfe), who, it turns out, owns the restaurant. He bought it with his divorce-settlement money. Gaby takes out her ponytail with little subtlety to indicate that she has taken note of the fact that John is back on the market... or so it seems.
John drops in at Carlos' office to ask his permission to hire Ana as a hostess, which he thought was a good idea given their history. When Carlos realizes that this idea will irk Gaby, he gives the OK.
In retaliation, Gaby shows up at Carlos' important business dinner looking frumpy to prove that she's not dressing sexy to impress John. She points out that if she was going to leave Carlos, she would have done it when he was blind and they were poor. This is perverse logic, even for Gaby, but Carlos buys it. And even though Gaby was probably being honest when she affirmed her love for Carlos, by the end of the hour, she finds some old pics of her and John, and has a wistful moment of their past affair.
Are we excited about the return of the Hottie Gardener? If I were to guess, I'd say that the ever-vain Gaby will get her hackles up when she discovers that John actually has the hots for Ana, which might be entertaining. But mostly this story line feels like ancient history, and I wonder if it's worth repeating.
Bob, the only attorney in all of Fairview, is defending Danny Bolen. Obviously, Susan isn't ready to listen when Angie tries to reason with her. In her anger, she decides to start a war of words, spreading gossip about the Bolens with the neighbors. When Mike points out that the police have no evidence against Danny, Susan suggests that maybe they should find some on their own.
After a botched attempt at a stakeout with Lynette, Susan decides to confront Danny, who's in his driveway working on a friend's car. She asks him what he knows about Julie, but he says he can't talk to her on the advice of his lawyer and rolls back to work under the car. At this point, Susan kind of goes nuts and lowers the jack -- and thus the car -- on to Danny. Angie sees this and comes rushing out of the house with a baseball bat. She tells Susan that if she comes near her son again, she'll kill her.
Bob tells Mike that the police have evidence that clears Danny, which naturally distresses Susan since it means she has grossly mistreated the Bolens and that Julie's attacker is still at large.
Teri Hatcher is clearly a talented actress, and some of my favorite moments from the show involve her dunderheaded schemes and pratfalls. The woman has an undeniable gift for screwball comedy. On the other hand, while I believe and appreciate Susan in her darker, more introspective moments, it's not my favorite color in Hatcher's palette. For that reason, the "find Julie's attacker" story line concerns me.
Bree and Karl are eating burritos in a motel room, which is hilarious. Bree does not see the humor. "People always warn you about the moral hazards of cheating; they never warn you about the food," she observes. Karl wants to go to Vegas for the weekend, but Bree shuts him down, saying their arrangement doesn't allow for romantic gestures, just sex. Surprisingly, Karl seems a little hurt.
At the Fairview Country Club Harvest Dance, Bree and Orson pretend to like each other, which is a particularly difficult trick once Karl and his blowsy date, Candace, show up. Thank God Bree has red hair because it matches green-eyed monster. "What kind of dancer are you, Candace? Ballet? Jazz? Lap?" Bree asks with a deadly smirk. "You're supposed to be cheating with me, not on me," Bree says in a private moment with Karl. He rightly tells her that she has no say in what he does, except that he sounds both like a loathsome pig and charming rake when he says it.
Since Bree doesn't like the idea of Karl sleeping around, when she sees Orson and Candace dancing together, she throws some olive oil on the dance floor. They both slip on it, and Candace breaks her nose. Mission accomplished!
But... Orson figures out that Bree greased up the dance floor because she was jealous of Candace, but he incorrectly surmises that she did it because Candace was dancing with Orson. He sees this as a sign that Bree still loves him, which is... oy. Poor Kyle MacLachlan; this storyline sucks. Orson's misplaced sentiment prompts Bree to agree to a weekend in Vegas with Karl.
God, I hope we get to see that. This surprise pairing has delivered some of the new season's most electric moments, and I say, "Yay, adultery!" if it means we get to see more scenes with Marcia Cross and Richard Burgi together. On the other hand, I'm still confused about the endgame for Bree and Orson. As I've said repeatedly, MacLachlan deserves better, and I can't help but feel like he's just idling for now.
Lynette and Tom tell the kids that she's pregnant. Needless to say, they aren't happy. "I have more of a statement," says Porter (wait, which one went to Europe?), when they ask if the kids have any questions. He goes on to lecture them about not using birth control and the detrimental effects this pregnancy will have on Tom's education and Lynette's career. Heh.
Things go slightly better at the office. Just as Lynette's about to break the big news to Carlos, he offers her a promotion with a big raise. He also tells her that he didn't give the position to Judy because he found out that she was pregnant. Isn't that, like, illegal? Lynette asks. Needless to say, for now she refrains from sharing her good news with the boss.
Lynette, Tom, Carlos and Gaby are out to dinner with a big client, who has his own vineyard and can't wait for everyone to sample his grape. Tom tries to cover for Lynette, who obviously can't drink, by surreptitiously gulping her portions, but it backfires when he gets soused. The Scavos decide to keep Lynette's pregnancy a secret, which means that Susan and the Scavo kids are the only people who know.
Felicity Huffman owns this story line, as her exasperated mom has no equal. She and Doug Savant have really jelled as an on-screen couple, so I'm really looking forward to the next two trimesters. One question, though, when do we get to see Tom on campus? Shouldn't he be, like, studying or doing keg stands or something?
Bob needs to understand the Bolens' history in order to defend Danny, but Angie and Nick are evasive about their past. Danny, who is clearly sick of his parents' shady ways, freaks out and tells Bob that his family has deep, dark secrets that can't be revealed, even if it helps him prove his innocence. "This conversation was privileged, right?" Angie asks.
Susan's campaign of terror seems to be working, as the Bolens are basically outcasts on Wisteria Lane. Nick mentions that maybe they should move again. "We cannot change our names and run every time there's a little bit of trouble," Angie reveals. "Until I say otherwise, we are Nick and Angie Bolen." In saying this, I think Angie has confirmed that the Bolens are not in the witness-protection program, at least not in any official capacity.
But they are clearly running from something, and they're not messing around. When the crank calls reach a fever pitch, Angie is concerned for her family's safety. She tells Danny that there's a loaded .38 Smith and Wesson in her drawer in case he gets into any trouble. "It's not your typical mother-son conversation," Danny says. "Remember, aim for the head, not the legs," she replies. Angie also reveals that perhaps she is the source of their need to flee when she says, "If it weren't for me, you could have had a normal childhood." I'm still ruminating on a theory, but if I were to guess, I would say that Angie's fierce maternal instinct (see: baseball bat) might have been the source of the Bolens' hot water. Who are these people?
Once Danny is cleared of any wrongdoing, Susan knows she has to apologize. Instead, when she sees that someone has painted "LEAVE" on the Bolens' house and dumped trash in the yard, she shows up with her own CinchSak to help Angie clean it up.
How do we think Drea de Matteo is doing so far? I'm a huge fan, but even I have to admit that the first few episodes have been rocky. I'm glad that we got to Susan's wordless apology so quickly, as I'm eager to see more of Angie within the context of the other ladies.
The mystery story line always works best when properly integrated with the other characters (case in point: Katherine Mayfair; case not in point: the Applewhites). I'm intrigued enough by the Bolens' secret to give de Matteo the benefit of the doubt for now. I liked seeing her "mama bear" routine this week, and I hope it's indicative of more unhinged malice to come.
What did you think of "Never Judge a Lady by Her Lover"? Do you think, as the previews seem to indicate, that there's an Ana-John-Gaby love triangle in the works? Are you as excited as I am to see Bree and Karl's Vegas vacation? How long can Lynette keep her secret under wraps, so to speak? Who is responsible for Julie's attack? And what's your best guess about the Bolens' secret?