TV came roaring back this week, with a brand-new American Idol and the start of 24. And they were both entertaining and everything, but did everybody catch that flat-out miracle in New York City? Or two rather high-profile goodbyes? Relive and discuss them all in our Top Moments.
10. Most Secure Heterosexuals: On TruTV's The Principal's Office, two 17-year-old guys are called in for a lecture about dancing too close with girls at a school event. Pushing the issue - and proving their total lack of gay panic - they test out a series of touches and embraces to see which ones are okay. It all feels very Borat-like.
9. Best Return(s) of Favorite Character(s): In 24's two-night, four-hour (and fast-paced, return-to-form) season opener, we're treated first to the return of Tony, then Bill, and then all-time fan favorite Chloe. So are they bad guys or good guys? We don't know, and we don't care. We're just glad they're all back after a too-long hiatus.
8. Most Awkward Moment: Ryan Seacrest forgets that one of the main things about being blind is not being able to see. When a visually impaired contestant makes it to Hollywood, Seacrest offers him a high-five, then remembers to explain what he's trying to do. Watching it, we kind of regretted out own ability to see.
7. Best Fringe Science: Today interviews the parents of a 3-month-old boy who recovered after doctors found a foot - with toes - inside the newborn's brain tumor. Experts say it would stop any brain surgeon in his or her tracks. Wait, were they making a foot joke?
6. Dumb-but-Funny Award: On Saturday Night Live, Neil Patrick Harris hosts a talk show devoted to stars with two first names. Fred Armisen gets to play David Lee Roth, Abby Elliott turns up as Jamie-Lynn Spears, and Michaela Watkins does her best impersonation of former Old Christine colleague Julia Louis-Dreyfus - until she admits she has two last names.
5. Biggest Blowup: Usually the more sensitive of the The Biggest Loser trainers, Bob Harper loses it when contestant Joelle gives up on the treadmill, erupting into a flurry of F-word-laced demands. His explanation? "I was possessed by Jillian Michaels this week."
4. Most Em-bare-ass-ing Moment: Julia catches Nip/Tuck's Sean naked and standing upright - sans wheelchair - but misses seeing him in the diaper provided by a baby fetishist. Man, what a weird show this is. But get it? Em-bare-assing?
3. Worst Partner: Patrick Swayze welcomes his new FBI partner on The Beast by shooting him, letting a drunk pin him down, and shoving him against a car. But how good is it to see Swayze in ass-kicking mode?
2. Best Departure: CSI's crew helps solve the grisly case of a serial killer, because, as Nick puts it, "it feels like Grissom's last big game and I want to win it for him." With a CSI (Laurence Fishburne) handpicked to join the team, Grissom leaves the lab with just a nod to Catherine Willows. But where's he going with such peaceful confidence? To the thick vegetation of a Costa Rican rain forest - and the arms of a smiling Sara Sidle. A kiss. (Oh, and on the same night, President Bush says goodbye to the nation, too.)
1. Best Made-For-Hollywood Breaking News: We're amazed that everyone aboard survived the "Miracle on the Hudson" plane crash. Of course, those of us who are entertainment-obsessed immediately started taking stock of the story's Hollywood-y elements: The hero pilot with nerves of steel. The happy ending that calls out for a John Williams score. And don't forget... the similarities with Lost...
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