Ninth Step Amends

First, the ninth step is about trying to repair the physical damage from the past. There is a quote in the book that says, "We realise there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. A remorseful mumbling of "I'm sorry" won't fit the bill. The people one harms don't need to hear another "I'm sorry" from someone who has said it repeatedly, since they have probably already heard it for ages, thousands of times. One is supposed to Make Amends, which is not an apology. To make an amends, one says, " I see that I have harmed you, I did (state what the harm done was) and I was wrong." Then to make it up, "What can I do to make this up to you?" Then you are supposed to shut up and wait for them to tell you what you can do to make it up. You are supposed to wish to be forgiven, just to repair the damage with whatever you can do. Some harms can never be measured in dollars and cents or have a way to make it up. Sometimes the person will tell the alcoholic to stay out of their life, and that is what they are expected to do, if that is what they person wants you to make it up. For a person in the twelve step program to ask you to allow someone else to work the ninth step as the chief stated, "For me, do this for me." That was unrealistic. That is not allowing the alcoholic to be responsible for his own actions and no sponsor would approve of that.

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