Episode 11 Recap

It's getting to be big decision time on Rock of Love Bus. Only three girls remain on the road and we're just one episode away from Bret choosing this season's Rock of Love. While many men would envy Bret's situation, having to choose between three beautiful women who want you, Bret Michaels certainly doesn't seem to be enjoying himself. If I only had one word to describe this week's penultimate episode of Rock of Love Bus, it would be: painful. Painfully awkward, painfully boring, painfully dull. Even though there was plenty of drama this episode, it was more like a bad soap opera than a trashy reality show. While it may bode well for Bret's relationship that he's kept around the dullest of the girls, it sure doesn't make for good trashy reality TV.

This week the three remaining girls--Jamie, Mindy, and Taya--are taking their final bus ride to Miami, Florida for some fantasy dates. While everyone seems happy to get off the bus, that seems the only bright spot for the girls. With only one elimination standing between them and the finale, the tension is high, politeness is out the window, and friendships are done. The gloves are off, the manicured claws are out, and the competition is on.

When the girls get to Miami, Bret has three Carnivale style showgirl costumes for them. Jamie and Taya are thrilled to get in the sparkly pseudo-bikinis and head-dresses, but Miss Mindy, not so much. Mindy, it seems, is afraid of making herself look like an ass (too late darling, you're on Rock of Love Bus), but to her credit, there are also some major wardrobe malfunctions going on. Taya on the other hand, jumps in the complicated costume like a pro. Both Mindy and Jamie find this amusing, because despite constantly saying she's not a stripper, Taya seems to know all there is to know about strapping yourself into a skimpy outfit. And I have to agree with Mindy and Jamie, there is no way Taya is not a stripper, just like there is no way that woman is 29 years old.

Bret hasn't seen the girls since Orland and he's "jonesing for them." While he's pleased to see Jamie and Taya in their Carnivale get-up, he's disappointed that Mindy has refused to participate in the dress-up portion of this date. After Bret voices his disappointment, the kind editors cut to a montage of Mindy complaining about just about everything. I never realized it, because I happen to like Mindy a lot, but there has been a lot of complaining on her behalf this season. Right after the montage, it's even more complaining from Mindy, which worries and angers Bret. Bret has a new nickname for Mindy: Captain Buzzkill. Not exactly a term of endearment for someone who you're kind of dating. To appease Bret's annoyance, Mindy slips into an itty-bitty sailor bikini, which seems to at least please Bret physically even though he thinks Mindy needs to learn how to roll with it.

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