Episode Recap: "I Think You Offended Don"

Judith is five months pregnant and Alan is convinced he's the father. Jake is in a bad mood, and Charlie is determined to figure out what's the cause of his sour spirits.

Charlie returns home from a night of drinking and gambling. He notices that Alan has a calendar with the initials "JMC" written on it. Charlie asks Alan what JMC stands for, but before Alan can answer, Charlie starts to make guesses for these initials. "John Mellencamp Cougar" he says as he slurs his speech. Alan tells him it stands for "Judith's menstrual cycle." He points out some dates to Charlie. "This is when Judith and Herb broke up, and this is when I had sex with her." He also says that Judith is 5 months pregnant. Alan is very convinced that he is the father, and he admits that he hopes Judith is having a girl because he always wanted a girl. Charlie is still very drunk as he listens to Alan, but he knows that his night is much more fun than Alan's. "I lost $8,000 playing poker, I have no clue where my car is, I threw up in my mouth and I still had a better night than you" Charlie tells Alan.

Alan goes to Judith's house to talk about her pregnancy, but Judith really doesn't want to discuss it at all. "Should we talk about the elephant in the room? We had unprotected sex" Alan says to Judith. Judith says that they didn't have unprotected sex and tries to get him to stop talking about it because Herb was approaching them. Herb tells Alan that he and Judith are having a girl, and Alan wants to see the room. Jake points out that Alan never wanted to see his room, and Judith says it's was because his room was a pig-sty.

Back at the house, Alan is trying to come up with names for the baby girl. "I know in my gut this is my sweet bastard child!" Alan says to Charlie. Charlie says that Judith is a slut because she slept with Alan and Herb and that there was a chance that the kid wasn't either's. Alan doesn't buy that. Charlie says that if Alan did anything to indicate that he was the father of Judith's child that it could ruin Judith's and Herb's marriage. He tells Alan to forget about the baby and focus on the kid he has to raise. Charlie says that he caught Jake trying to bite his toenails. "That's monkey behavior!" Charlie says. Right on cue, Jake comes in and grabs a banana. Charlie says, "Can you imagine him as a girl...he would be a big girl with an ugly haircut! Woof!"

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