Two and a Half Men Season 7, Episode 4: "Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator" - Recap

This week on Two and a Half Men, Charlie works hard to get some peace, while Alan works even harder to get a piece.

It was bound to happen. We all knew that sooner or later, Jake and Chelsea were going to really butt heads. What was surprising is that the tension wasn't caused by anything specific, but rather Jake just being Jake. Chelsea tries to engage Jake in conversation about his life, girlfriend, etc. Jake asks her if she's writing a book. When he leaves, Chelsea asks Charlie why Jake resents her so much. Charlie warns her not to take it personally and that the only thing under his sullen exterior is a "D student with a perpetual boner." Still, Chelsea can't help but be offended by his comments.

On the other side of town (or, rather, just down the road to save gas), Melissa is trying not to be offended by Alan's cheapness. It appears that Alan's car is the only place where the two can get together because 1) Chelsea called Melissa a tramp, 2) Melissa can't take Alan around her mother (which surprises Alan that she still brings it up), and 3) Alan is too cheap to spring for a hotel (which should not surprise anyone). Even still, Melissa gives it the old college try, but ultimately gets angry and runs off. Alan jumps out of the car (with his pants around his ankles) and tries to run after her. Just his luck, a police car passes by and Alan tries to explain to them how he was just chasing a girl who had jumped out of his car. Smooth move, Mr. Harper.

Back home, the other Mr. Harper is trying to get Jake to be nicer to Chelsea, explaining to him how overly sensitive Chelsea is. But Jake either doesn't care or well, doesn't care. To add to Charlie's frustration, Alan starts whining to him about how hard it is to carry on a relationship when you don't have a place of your own. I think it's pretty safe to say that Charlie will never sympathize with Alan about this. "Why buy dog food if you can't afford the dog?" questions Charlie.

In an effort to make Charlie feel guilty extra money, Alan takes a job as his mother's assistant. As he understands it, Evelyn will be giving him a little piece of the real estate action. As Evelyn understands it, having an assistant will give her some peace so that she can get some action. Alan takes advantage of his position and invites Melissa over to one of the houses they're showing. He tells her that he's renting the place and finally getting out of Alan's house, which seems to really turn both of them on. Unfortunately, after doing the deed, Melissa knocks over a glass of wine and it freaks Alan out. That in itself might not have been enough to make Melissa realize that the house doesn't really belong to Alan. Of course, his picking her up and running out of the house when he hears his mother coming would surely do the trick. The fact that a police car was waiting for him outside is what it takes to finally seal the deal. Melissa leaves Alan high and dry (no pun intended).

Now for the big question: Do Chelsea and Jake work it all out? Well, overcome with frustration, Charlie finally forces Jake and Chelsea to work out their differences. To his surprise, they decide that it is Charlie who is the problem. His comments about Jake's "perpetual boner" and Chelsea's oversensitivity are driving a wedge between them. Charlie and Chelsea seem satisfied with how things turn out, and Jake seems satisfied thinking that perpetual means pointy.

So, what did you think of the episode? Did you think Jake was being rude to Chelsea, or just indifferent? Do you think Charlie will ever have peace in his house again? Is Melissa gone for good (again)? Did you see more of naked Alan than you ever wanted to?

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