Everything I Know about Love I Learned from 'Survivor: Samoa' (Episode 8)

This episode seemed well-timed to coincide with the World Series, and thankfully there wasn't another washout. Instead, there were two walk-off blasts to win the immunity challenge; Kelly and Monica debuted their new line of baseball uniform fashion-wear inspired by Honus Wagner's knee high stockings; and John Fincher coming out as Johnny Baseball. But the episode could have just as easily aired around Valentine's Day.

Danger Dave continued his weekly series of cringe worthy comments. He scored some points with Natalie when he tried to toast Ritz Crackers with her and she laughed like a freak. I say that with live. Natalie has an endearingly silence-shattering laugh that sounds like it ought to be coming from the Philadelphia Phanatic or someone else with a horn for a nose.

Unfortunately, Dave quickly followed up on his apparent charm by letting everyone know that baseball isn't his favorite sport. Ahem. Turns out that make'n love is his favorite sport, and he doesn't play as often as he'd like.

Dave is that guy who makes off color comments to much younger women and thinks no one can shut him down because "he was joking." The problem is, he's never joking. Joking is when you don't mean what you say. He's just being honest and then laughing awkwardly. Thing is, most guys have done it. Reality TV is just a sound machine that makes awkward comments echo through the night like the "Hee hee hee!"s of kids in Michael Jackson Trick or Treat costumes.

Meanwhile, Russell shared his philosophy on why hyper-strategizing is bound to pay off, but he could have been talking about the dating game.

"You ever heard of a man named Babe Ruth? He struck out more than anybody ever. But he also hit the most home runs. So that tells me one thing. Keep swinging, baby. Eventually you're gonna hit one."

The self-proclaimed "king" of Survivor who says he's "too sly for this game" demonstrated his law of averages strategy by telling half of Galu he had the Hidden Immunity Idol. You know, the same one he already showed to most of the people on Foa Foa. I know you're proud of it, Russell. But keep it in your pocket. My philosophy is that you'll be most effective if you only play it when the time is right.

Monica seemed to be onto something when she drew on the ancient tactic of getting brownie points by holding grapes over Russell's head and letting him bite them off like a zebra. The Evil One ran off to brag to the camera afterwards. But her acceptance of his proposal was so sarcastic that she might as well have muttered something about Russell being a sucker under her breath. That honeymoon was soon over as he tried to set her up as Laura's replacement for First Chair on the jury.

Finally, Erik showed us his twist on the tye-a-cherry-stem-into-a-knot party trick, which involved removing a bottlecap with his mouth. He quipped, "What's Samoan for get the #@$% off my island?" before answering his own question. Whoops. I guess it wasn't Aiga.

So will Russell's chances really dry up next week? Or will his seeds grow into a strategic bumper crop just in time? And will he forgive Shambo for voting against Jaison if she explains that she was still trying to remember, "Who's Eric?"

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