Episode Recap: Auditions, San Francisco

Our Idol wannabes have flocked to San Francisco this week to make their dreams of being the next Kelly Clarkson or David Cook come true. Who will make us squirm, and who will make us smile?

Ryan starts off the night by showing the cameras the anxiety-producing walk that contestants make from the holding room to smack dab in front of the judges in the audition room. Of course when Ryan gets there, the judges mock him and tell him to "try it again in a normal voice."

Best Auditions

Tatiana Del Toro: We're not sure if she belongs in her own category of "awesomely scary" auditions. The Puerto Rico native is definitely... unique. She laughs like a hyena, and the producers make her look extra crazy by having her explain that she visited a psychic who told her she was destined to be in the top 12. After hearing her sing, it's clear she might not be top 12 material, but she did have talent. But, man, did she have a crazy laugh. It may haunt your dreams.

Adam Lambert: He came to us from the cast of Wicked and sang "Bohemian Rhapsody." The tiny bit we got to hear (what's up with that?) was fantastic. Simon thought he was too theatrical, but Randy finally spoke up and defended him with a big ol' "yes!"

Most Memorable Meltdown

Akilah Askew-Gholston: The 26-year-old "aspiring songwriter" (and we say that generously) wouldn't let her chance at Hollywood go. She told the judges, "No, I want to do the same song over again. I started from the wrong rectum!" She then proceeded to compliment Paula by dissing her: "Paula had a really big hit song in the '80s when I was a child." She just kept on going until they practically threw her out.

Tearjerker Moment

Kai Kalama: Kai has sacrificed having a life to take care of his mom, who has a seizure disorder. He's clearly an amazing son who loves his mom. She is clearly proud of him as a son and a singer. The 26-year-old sang a soulful and unique (in a good way this time) version of "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." Simon told him to "watch me on American Idol" to learn more about confidence (barf).

Best "Did Hell Just Freeze Over?" Moment

A contestant's son hugged Simon upon hearing his dad made it through to Hollywood. Simon hugged back!

Best Lines from the Judges

Simon: "It was really boring and I hate what you're wearing."

Simon: "...and your weird hair color..." Contestant: "The carpet matches the drapes!"

Simon: "Annie, I'm going to be honest with you, that sounded like you were drunk. And not one or two bottles, that was like a whole crate."

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