''The Apprentice'' premiere recap: WE'RE IN A RECESSION! Season 10, Episode 1

Welcome back, people who still watch The Apprentice! I'll be recapping this mess every week, and I'm warning you now that I'm probably going to RANDOMLY SHOUT PARTS OF SENTENCES in homage to the most impressive businessman and hair model in the world. Season 10 of The Apprentice is all about the recession. TALENTED PEOPLE ARE STILL LOOKING FOR WORK, bellows Donald Trump from his stretch limo as it veers away from an icky bus. And we're off.

It's another Battle of the Sexes! The Sexes must pick names. The men consider Next, because we're ready for the next level in our lives. If that's their approach, they should really just go with Money-Money-Money-Money (Money!) But things get geeky. Steuart, who reminds me of Wall Street ('80s version) and is rather smug about being able to pull off purple and pink hues, immediately disapproves of Alex, who mixes up Phoenix and Icarus. In order to be Trump's apprentice, you need to remember that fifth grade mythology stuff, says Steuart, and much like the u in his name, this seems like a joke but is totally serious.

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