'The Real Housewives of DC' Call This Season to Order

"To make it here you have to watch what you say and watch what you do." It sounds boring, but The Real Housewives of DC are working overtime to make sure you don't give up on their show. This season of Top Chef certainly hasn't helped DC's television reputation, but we'll see what these five Housewives can do. Let's meet them!

Mary is the daughter of a lobbyist and her family photo shoot with the white shirts and jeans made me gag. Something about her family creeps me out; maybe it's that they all have sugar eyes, or that she and her daughter look almost identical.

I already like Stacie. She's proud to be a "Washingtonian" and to live in "the chocolate city." She seems smart, reasonable, hard working, and less pretentious than a lot of the other Housewives. You have to respect her.

Lynda runs a modeling agency and has a face that is scary like Ramona's or Danielle's. She also reminds me of that lady who oversees the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders (for all you CMT fans out there). Lynda has the fattest pug ever, and has surrounded herself with young people (be they children, assistants, or boyfriends). Her model boyfriend is a young, "6'5" fabulous bonus" named Ebong.

Michaele is totally the crazy one, isn't she? She's got the trophy wife thing down (have you seen her husband? He looks . . . like he has a lot of money). She lives out of hotels and LOVES IT. * collective groan *.

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