There are many rules in the world, Mary Alice says, and on Sunday's episode of Desperate Housewives, almost every one of them is broken. Bree is deceiving her husband; Katherine is coveting someone else's. Gaby's bad parenting has left a home-schooled Juanita miserable. Tom is cheating on his schoolwork. And Angie is lying about just about everything. Read on to see how all this malfeasance played out.
Ann Peterson is the principal of Fairview Elementary School, and she believes in rules. Gaby Solis, on the other hand, hasn't met a rule she wouldn't break to get her way, even at the expense of her children. To wit: During Juanita's Thanksgiving pageant, the irascible tyke repeatedly blows her line and drops an F-bomb.
Gaby and Carlos meet with Mrs. Peterson, who doles out Juanita's punishment. When Gaby balks at its severity, the principal takes a jab at the Solises' parenting skills. This is happening just a week after Gaby had her maternal instincts questioned by the other neighborhood moms, so she is naturally sensitive. It ends badly, with Gaby promising to remove Juanita from the school.
But guess what? There are no openings at the private schools in the area, so Carlos insists that Gaby has to home-school her since she taught her the dirty word in question. This devolves into a game of who has the dirtier mouth - a veritable duel of who says "blank" the most - ending with this hilarious couplet: "I know someone who isn't getting blanked tonight," says Gaby. "No problem - I blanked off earlier." Naughty!
Home-schooling isn't going so well. First off, Juanita doesn't like gym class (aka ironing) and she refuses to cooperate. In these tense scenes, I'm really buying Eva Longoria Parker as a frustrated mom. She's very convincing. Carlos points out that Juanita is acting out because Gaby took her out of the school that she loved and ruined her birthday by hiring a monkey that mauled a clown. Moral of the story: Gaby is a terrible mom, as indicated by Longoria Parker's frowny face.
This leads Gaby to explain herself to Juanita, that she was just defending her to Mrs. Peterson because she knows what it's like to be bullied. "You still think I'm a good mom though?" Gaby asks desperately. Juanita's silence speaks volumes. (See moral above.)
"T-Scav" comes home drunk with two of his college buddies, which I think is hilarious. Lynette doesn't see the humor.
Gaby comes over to borrow a globe from the Scavos for home-schooling duties, and helpfully observes that Lynette is getting fat. Just as Gaby is about to railroad the secretly pregnant Lynette into a daily 7 a.m. run, the phone rings. It's one of T-Scav's buddies, and he's wondering where the keg is.
An incensed Lynette crashes a frat party looking for Tom, but he's not there. He just dropped off the keg and left. But there's more. In exchange for enabling underage drinkers, Tom is getting the answers to his exams from the numbskulls. T-Scav is a cheater!
Tom comes clean with Lynette. He's failing Statistics, a required course, which is why he decided to cheat. And his other classes aren't going so well either. When will Tom's midlife crisis end? This is turning into a pretty bad run for him.
SUSAN and KATHERINE
Taking Angie's advice, Katherine extends an olive branch to Susan, apologizing for her crazy behavior ("only in a clinical sense," says Susan). She wants them to be friends. Susan is naturally hesitant, and for good reason: Katherine's motives aren't exactly pure. She basically blackmails Susan into brunch by threatening legal action.
Katherine calls Mike claiming to have a late-night plumbing emergency. Susan insists that he go, lest Katherine lawyer up, but she accompanies him just in case Katherine has any funny business planned. Of course she does! She answers the door in lingerie. Candles, rose petals and champagne await in the bedroom; a full bubble bath is at the ready. Susan discovers this scene "out of a bad Jackie Collins novel" and tells Katherine she needs help. (Duh!) This turns into a catfight, which naturally ends with both ladies in the bathtub. "FYI, we hate her again," Susan reports to Mike.
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