'American Idol' Season 9, Episode 34 Recap: The Big Twang Theory

You are staring at your television in disbelief. You are brandishing a throw-pillow, or a shoe, or a half-empty wine bottle. There's a feeling of hot, prickly anger building up in your chest, and it's at the point where you don't give a damn how much it's going to cost to replace your TV set, you just need to make like [insert baseball pitcher of choice here] and hurl something at the screen - as hard and as fast as you can. It's beyond your control, really. This is a week for maddening results. This...is American Idol.

Alas, fellow Idoloonies, you know the drill. As April showers bring May flowers, shock eliminations - or at the very least, shock bottom threes - become as integral to our favorite show as excruciatingly frequent ad breaks and Ryan Seacrest's dangerously impeccable grooming. Go back just short of a year and recount Adam Lambert hanging out in the bottom two during season 8's Rat Pack Week. Or travel back six years to the night when Fantasia Barrino, Jennifer Hudson, and LaToya London waited for the axe to swing while John Stevens sat in safety during season 3's Barry Manilow Week. (And with J.Hud going home after that epic Weekend in New England!)

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