'Smallville' Recap: Superman Will Kill Us All

Alot can happen in Metropolis in just three weeks. While it takes me that long to find my keys, Smallville season 9 picks up just three short weeks after the end of last year, and everything is different. Clark is dead, replaced by a trenchcoat-wearing vigilante, Chloe is armed and dangerous, Lois finally comes back from her time travel vacation, Tess is a prisoner in her own home and Oliver is engaged n in the most homoerotic fight club since, well, Fight Club.

However, all the madness of the new Smallville is brought to an interesting end thanks to a time-traveling Lady Ninja and one wacky acid trip of a nightmare. Oh yeah, and Brian Austin Green shows up too.

The Dark Clark

Three weeks ago Clark Kent died and he left Chloe, vowing to separate himself from his human emotions and focus on becoming the savior the world needs. In that short time, he's trained hard with the help of his crystal daddy in the Fortress, and he apparently took a sewing class, because he has a new superhero outfit, all black, complete with his "S" logo embroidered on the chest.

I'm probably the only one curious, but did he make that himself, or does he have a special superhero tailor he goes to? Anyway, Superman, as I'll now call him, travels the city fighting bad guys and leaving his "S" mark wherever he goes like a dog marking his territory in a park.

Back from the Future

Lois Lane has been missing for three weeks and then gets magically teleported back into Metropolis monorail with no memory of what happened. But she does remember that a psycho Lady Ninja is after her, so Lois engages in yet another chick fight until the monorail flies off the tracks. Luckily her favorite superhero is there to save her.

Lois isn't one to stay in the same place for long, so she immediately tries to find out how the heck she suddenly appeared on a monorail, which allows her to have an awkward moment with new Daily Planet reporter John Corben (Brian Austin Green) who gives her a fake kiss. I feel bad for Erica Durance, because that mouth has been on some very dirty places, most of which are Megan Fox.

Still searching for her true love, the Red Blue Blur, she eventually gets him to call her because, even though Clark has made a vow of celibacy when it comes to human relationships, he just can't resist the charms of Lois Lane.

Lady Ninja vs. Superman

It turns out Future Lady Ninja isn't after Lois, she's after Superman because she wants to do battle and kill him because she knows that, in exactly one year's time, he will destroy the world. Lady Ninja is Kryptonian, but she's also pathetically weak because Superman kills her after a pretty short fight. But he's still left with the knowledge that he's going to be responsible for something pretty bad.

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1 comment

Default avatar cat

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Sep 30, 2009 12:54PM EDT

I think Jor-el sent her back in time cause he wanted Clark to be aware that he might possibly destroy the world so he would be careful just when he needed to in order to save the world. Jor-el knew she wouldnt complete her mission and kill Clark. She was just a pawn. Thats why she was wearing the watch.
Haha I like your Megan Fox comment. I dont like her either she is a nasty skank with no class and unbelievably stuck up.

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