The bitch is back, people! Tuesday's episode of Melrose Place marked the return of Heather Locklear to the cast. The fans have been gagging for her, of course, but her arrival is doubly important now that the show is flailing in the ratings and still waiting for that full-season pickup. Does Locklear have the stuff to save the show... again? Read on to see how Amanda Woodward finds herself back at the Place, and weigh in on what you thought of her return.
Amanda struts into WPK's office and immediately makes her presence known. She thinks the L.A. branch - Ella's employer -- is pitiful. (The W stands for Woodward, by the way.) Caleb takes the fall for the branch's shortcomings and he's fired. Bam! Just like that. Welcome back, Heather Locklear!
Amanda doesn't like Riley as the face of Anton V jeans either - her starchy Bostonian background is not real enough for Amanda, it seems, so she drafts a fake bio for Riley in preparation for the Anton V launch party. Instead of the daughter of a Constitutional attorney and a newspaper editor, Riley is now a miracle baby of the mean streets of Roxbury who was discovered by Anton V on a playground riddled with gang violence. Naturally, Riley balks at lying, but she does it for Ella, who, it's made clear, will be fired if she doesn't complete the assigned task. Amanda is impressed by Ella's resourcefulness (aka facility for deception) in handling Riley on the red carpet.
At the party, a hot British talent agent named Melissa attempts to poach Ella from WPK. Ella is resistant to her professional charms, but not her personal ones. She turns down the job, but also makes out with her in a dark corner for a spot.
Since Riley is a wholesome, shiny truth-teller, she caves and tells the assembled press that she hasn't overcome adversity, unless you consider turning down a full ride to Harvard Law School a hardship, which gets Ella in hot water with Amanda. But she's not as screwed as she thinks she is, as it seems the comely Melissa was a plant. Amanda wanted to test Ella's fidelity, and, for now, she passed.
The next day, Ella meets Amanda for lunch and tells her that she wants to be her when she grows up. "That's a pretty lofty goal," Amanda purrs. In response, Amanda tells Ella exactly what she needs to do to reach for the stars, which includes calling Riley's school and telling the principal that she used sick days to do the photo shoot. Ella turns her down, but someone calls the school anyway, and Riley is fired.
The end of the episode finds Amanda roaming around Sydney's empty apartment with a wistful glint in her eyes. She opens a secret panel in the walk-in closet, which reveals a safe. Inside, there's a single envelope labeled "Amanda." It's a note from Sydney, and it says "You'll never find it! Love, Sydney." Intriguing - what could she possibly have left behind? Shoulder pads? A Color Me Badd CD? Allison's soul? Share your theories in the comments section below.
Oh, also: Everyone hates Auggie because they think he murdered Sydney, but it's OK because he and crazy Violet got dish-breakingly BI-ZAY. Lauren and David are totally a couple now, and it also looks like either Michael or his wife killed Sydney, so there's that.
What did you think of Heather Locklear's return to Melrose Place? Did she change your mind about the show?