There were a lot of dirty tricks on TV this week. Jo Reynolds (Daphne Zuniga) cajoled poor Riley into posing topless on Melrose Place. House and Foreman conducted an autopsy on a living person. Gossip Girl's Chuck kissed a guy because of Blair's deception. CSI: Miami's Eric Delko tricked us all by slinking off into the night with barely any explanation. Welcome to this week's Top Moments: Dirty Tricks Edition.
14. Best Reveal: We already knew that Desperate Housewives' Julie Mayer likes to date older men. (Remember guest star Steven Weber?) But it's still shocking to find out that the formerly innocent science nerd has a married lover, creepy dad Dominic "Nick" Bolen, who we see surreptitiously visiting her in the hospital.
13. Most Enlightening Reintroduction: Jo Reynolds (Daphne Zuniga) returns to Melrose Place (2009) to photograph newbie model Riley for a denim campaign. One problem: Jo's kind of a bitch now. The wide-eyed Riley tells Jo she admires the photographs she took in Darfur. Jo is nonplussed, then peeved to be working with an amateur, and changes the subject by insisting that Riley pose topless.
12. Most Shocking Surprise: On House, when a patient dies hours after Dr. House discharges him, the cranky doc wants to crack open the poor sap's chest to see what the heck happened. He and Foreman do so with an electric saw, but stop when the cadaver inexplicably starts bleeding. As they lean in to get a better look, the so-called corpse springs to life and screams bloody murder. Guess the EMTs really botched that call.
11. Best Confrontation: Grey's Anatomy's shining moment is a quiet, calm conversation between Derek Shepherd and the Chief in which Derek admonishes the Chief for allowing chaos to become the standard at Seattle Grace.
10. Best Kiss, Part I: Blair tricks Chuck into kissing Mr. Ellis so she can give the coveted freshman toast at NYU's parents' dinner on Gossip Girl. "You really think I never kissed a guy before?" Chuck asks, thinking his bi-curious overtures will fuel his lady's passions. Alas, what Chuck thought was a sex game was a game of another sort to the scheming B.
9. Best Redefinition of Ugly: Betty Suarez is a big-time magazine editor now, so it's time for a new fashion statement. On the Season 4 premiere of Ugly Betty, she unveils a new, pared-down look that tames the frizzy hair and keeps the clashing patterns under control. She still has braces and more eyebrow than Groucho Marx, but... baby steps, people!
8. Worst Luck in Love: On Dexter, just after Deb finally gives in to her feelings for Lundy and spends an intimate evening with him, gunshots sound, and they both fall to the ground. Girl can't catch a break.
7. Worst Swan Song: Eric Delko (Adam Rodriguez), a CSI: Miami staple for the entire series, decides he wants to leave the CSI unit - and Calleigh - all in the space of one episode. There's hardly time to tell us why and where he's going, so... he doesn't. Fans of the Calleigh-Eric romance are rightly outraged. We're supposed to believe that after all that pursuit he gives up just like that? Is this really the last we'll see of Delko?
6. Best Kiss, Part II: An orgiastic frenzy on Eastwick inspires a spontaneous kiss between Joanna (Lindsay Price) and Penny (Sara Rue). The next morning, Penny makes it clear that she's only into boys. But that's the least of Joanna's worries, as Penny is dating the mysterious new guy who will eventually kill Roxanne.
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