Two and a Half Men Episode Recap: "Crude and Uncalled For" Season 7, Episode 14

Alan returns to the Internet to meet that special someone and finds himself a beautiful dinner date. While it's obvious to almost everyone that she's not into him, it's not apparent to Alan. When a handsome man propositions her in front of him, Alan does something we've never seen before - he grows a pair. Out of nowhere, he stands up for himself and knocks the man out. He even finishes off with a "How's that, bitch?!" Although it's definitely applause-worthy, it unfortunately lands him in jail.

Who to call? Well, his supportive and helpful brother, of course. Charlie receives the call just as Chelsea is ready to give him a surprise. In all of his excitement, he neglects to tell Chelsea of Alan's predicament and instead enjoys his lingerie-clad fiancee.

Don't worry. He eventually goes to bail Alan out - 10 hours later! It's not really Charlie's fault, though, after all, Chelsea was hard to resist, and he hates wasting an erection. Not only is Charlie unconcerned with Alan's welfare, so too is Evelyn. Before she agrees to help him pay for a lawyer, she wants to know just how much jail time he's looking at if he simply rolls over. Too bad for Evelyn, Alan doesn't want to go back to jail (and he certainly doesn't want to roll over - Charlie's joke, not mine). While the two of them haggle over who's going to get stuck paying for Alan's lawyer, Chelsea gets frustrated that they are treating Alan this way and offers to help him pay for a lawyer herself.

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