Dancing with the Stars Season 9, Episode 9: Tuesday, Oct. 13, 2009 - Recap

After a night of four new dances, one more couple is sent packing on Dancing with the Stars. Did Michael Irvin and Louie Vito make up for their low scores in votes?

Recap time! Cowboy Mark feels manly. Aaron, clearly holding back tears, feels like he did a great job despite the judges' brutal drubbing. You know he totally cried again. "At least I'm not crying," Louie says. Oh, snap! That was probably cold, but it's kind of funny how people on the show aren't exactly hiding their disdain for Aaron. Joanna and Derek couldn't do math and blamed it on their blondness. Mark, being a brunet and all, managed the math and figured out that he and Melissa jumped nine points, which Tom tells us is the biggest week-to-week improvement in Dancing history. And so naturally, Len, dying to see the three Es (energy, excitement and entertainment) and since, you know, he has it out for Mya and Dmitry, chooses M&M for the encore. I personally think the show just loves to hawk that black-and-white screen effect whenever they can.

After a soporific performance from a spandexed-out Shakira, we get the first round of eliminations, including the first couple who has landed under the dreaded red light.

First two safe couples:

Mya and Dmitry (Looks like they didn't dip them in a vat of oil this time)

Melissa and Mark

First couple in the bottom two:

Aaron and Karina

Always the master in self-promotion, ABC choses now, mid-show, to reveal the next Bachelor. It is Jake Pavelka, as suspected. The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love (gag) premieres in January.

A demo of next week's dances, the Argentine tango and the paso doble, follow. Um, wouldn't this have been a good idea last week for the four new dances this week -- especially since some of the pros never even performed some of those dances before Monday? Planning fail.

Next five safe couples:

Kelly and Louis

Natalie and Alec

Joanna and Derek (All the girls are safe!)

Mark and Lacey

Michael and Anna (Someone, seriously, put Anna out of her misery.)

Time to make some ovaries burst! It's Dancing with the Stars' kiddies. I vote Mark's trio as the cutest, especially his daughter who thinks Dancing is "really, really cool." Chuck's kids love his ruffles. Mike's kids think he does weird things with his mouth. Melissa's son loves watching Mommy dance. How convenient we have all this family adorableness off-setting Monday's crotch-fueled dancing.

After yet another dull performance from Shakira (is she regretting the spandex bodysuit? Because, really, no human should ever wear something like that), we get a Dancing-is-so-stressful package. Joanna calls it "a riot in the brain." Mya says it's "like Mardi Gras meets the Olympics." Is that supposed to be stressful? Because it sounds kind of awesome, for me at least. (122 days until Vancouver, guys!)

Next two safe couples:

Donny and Kym

Louie and Chelsie

The leaves Chuck and Anna in the bottom two with Aaron and Karina. And it's going to be Chuck and Anna saying bye-bye. Obviously, Chuck was never going to win, but I wish he lasted longer, or outlasted Michael at least. He was slowly - OK, very slowly - improving and was just plain fun to watch. Plus, Anna T. actually choreographs for her partner. They were probably doomed by going first on Monday and by the judges' slamming of Aaron. Nothing like criticism to elicit votes. Chuck says he had a good time; Anna calls him a gentle giant, bear and hippo. How can you not love this chick?

That's that. What did you think of the results? Was it Chuck's time to go, or was he robbed of a spot in next week's group dance? Are you looking forward to the group hustle? Did you like Louie's "crying" dig at Aaron? Did you like seeing the celebs' kiddies? Who's your current pick to win?

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