'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' reunion recap, part one: Everybody just stay on the couch

The biggest question after part one of The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion: What’s the deal with Teresa’s nephew?

Just like the word “foreclosure” before it, “nephew” apparently has the power to set Teresa off. I can’t believe that the other ladies insist they’ve never seen Teresa get upset before; she has had the biggest and best meltdowns of the entire show, and it doesn’t look like it’s the first time she’s cursed someone out. You expect me to believe that she’d remain calm if someone insulted Gia’s natural talent? She is from Paterson, remember?

After a montage of baby Audriana and baby Nicholas, the ladies scolded Danielle for not reaching out to Jacqueline after the birth of her son. Rather than fully defend or explain herself (then again, why should she? Why would she reach out to Jacqueline after the way last year’s reunion went?) Danielle turned the question on Teresa: “Did you acknowledge your nephew? Did you?” The woman really knows how to push her buttons and really has her hands on some inside information, which it may take a year for us to find out. Do your research, Andy! “Yeah, of course I did,” Teresa initially replied, before letting the words sink through the pounds of hair spray atop her head and deep into the crevices of her brain, where her cursing and fighting lobes are located. Wait for it…and, go: In two seconds Teresa was hovering over Danielle, screaming, “DO NOT BRING UP MY FAMILY!” before the former stormed off set, and the latter needed to be held back by Andy (needed to, but didn’t want to, hence her tough shoving of the Bravo SVP which knocked him off his feet and back into his chair).

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