Lost' countdown, a week ahead: Who will take Jacob's job? Plus: Monkeys!

There's an episode of Lost on ABC tonight, but I won't be watching it. Why? Because I hate Lost. I just decided this. It's stupid and silly and irritatingly pretentious with its pseudo intellectualism and shallow spirituality and allegedly cutting-edge extrapolation of theoretical physics that those nerdy crackheads at Wired love to slobber on about, and if one more mouth-breathing geek asks me 'What would you see in your flash-forward?', I'm going to punch them wait' oh. Oh! Sorry about that! I got my TV shows messed up there for a second. Lost! I love Lost! I'm obsessed with Lost! I write crazy theories about Lost! I write epic and incoherent recaps about Lost! But not tonight. The show is taking a breather this week in advance of its final four episodes in May, so tonight, we get a repeat of 'Ab Aeterno,' the instant-classic that gave us the backstory of Richard Alpert and Jacob's metaphor of The Island as a cork on a bottle keeping a toxic brew of evil from sloshing out into the world. If you haven't seen the episode, then by jove, make sure you make time to watch it tonight, because it's massively important, and there is absolutely no other way to see it anytime sooner or at any other point in the future. Then come back and read my recap. And as you do, treasure the experience. It will be the only time this season when you'll actually find one of my recaps posted exactly on time and when you want it. (PS: That aforementioned Wired link will actually take you to the magazine's insightful and geektastically fun tribute to Lost. Check it out when you're done scanning these ramblings.)

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