'Big Brother 11' Recap: The First Person Evicted Is...

The first week in the Big Brother 11 house was like a race to see who could play the worst game. Ronnie jumped out to a huge lead when he tried playing both sides, which was ruined by his total inability to lie convincingly.

The Jock Alliance of Jessie, Russell and Natalie ran a close second by falling for a classic blunder. Right below never betting against a Sicilian when death is on the line is blindly trusting what a tattooed masseuse tells you. Lydia was the primary target until she gave Jessie a massage and pointed at Braden. Somehow that worked, mostly because Jessie and Russell are as dumb as a dog that chases the beam from a flashlight.

So thanks to the easy manipulation of idiots, Braden us being targeted simply for being a good guy. Well, a good guy who uses racist slurs.

The Chenmeister reads her lines off the cue cards as naturally as Laura's chesticles, and she's drinking this high school Kool-Aid. The only reason this seems like high school is because the Big Brother producers are trying as hard as they can to push this square peg through a circular hole.

Russell's thought process is that Braden is the leader of the side alliance with Jordan and Jeff. Wow, and I bet he thought George W. Bush was really the brains behind his administration and Dick Cheney and Karl Rove were his underlings.

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