'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Haunted by hair bows

It’s now clear that Teresa really doesn’t live in New Jersey, or the real world, but rather in an over-sized playhouse covered in leopard and Swavorski crystals. Her daughters are her own personal Barbie dolls, and last night we experienced sensory overload in the form of hair accessories. Teresa forced her three eldest daughters (just wait until you grow hair, Audriana) to wear furry pom-poms atop their heads, making them look even more devilish than usual. There wasn’t a moment on the trip that these girls were without their hair bows, because what kind of impression of America would that leave on the Italians? “God forbid the accessory bag went missing! Holy crap. If one of her kids didn’t have a bow on their head she would make one out of toilet paper,” Jacqueline said. Teresa had even purchased custom-made dresses for the final dinner of the trip, from the Little Bo Peep’s Crack-Bender Collection. Have you noticed how little Gia has been rendered speechless of late? The harsh realities of show business must be getting to her (Jillian knows). Stage moms heed my warning: What you think is just a hair bow will quickly turn into years and years of expensive therapy bills.

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