'America's Next Top Model' recap: I vant to suck (your blood) Episode 4, Season 14

Could last night’s Top Model have been any duller? Somewhere between Brenda’s blathering on about her haircut (still?!) and Anslee’s clench-jawed perpetual sourness, I slipped into coma. This is just my subconscious typing this now - obviously no person possessing both free will and the physical ability to turn something off would continue to slog through this season… right? Why is Tyra doing this to us? How can ANTM possibly continue for more cycles, when this one is already running on fumes?

This week, the modeltestants had to get up on stage, but it wasn’t the acting challenge - at least not as we know it. The ladies had to do improv at UCB, except that wasn’t really improv, and that wasn’t the Upright Citizens Brigade theater, so who knows. (Me! I do! It was awful!) The only noteworthy moment was spotting Alasia still wearing that silver bathing suit from last week. You remember, the one the judges told her never to wear again. Allow me to switch into camp counselor mode here: Alasia, I know you like your bathing suit, but it’s not good for you to wear it all the time. When you’re not at swimming, heading to swimming, or on your way back to the cabin after swimming, you should be wearing regular clothes and the regular underwear that you and your mom packed. Also, it’s grilled cheese day! Yaaaay!

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