Another week, another two dances on Dancing with the Stars. Following last week's group hustle, the remaining nine couples will face off in a mambo marathon on top of their main dance. How did they fare? Find out below!
This week is what you call sadism in the ballroom. Five days, three dances. Everyone has to learn a main dance, a knockout dance in case of elimination and the mambo for the much-ballyhooed inaugural mambo marathon. That will either be a hot steaming mess or completely awesome.
Mya and Dmitry Chaplin: Jitterbug
Mya's aiming for a 30 and wants to make up for the lack of emotional connection in her Argenine tango. She complains of pain in her hip, so she goes and gets a back massage. Makes sense. How many gratuitous shots of her unclothed back did you count? I got four. In any case, that made everything better. After cleaning off the judges' table for what feels like a day and a half, Mya hits the floor and hits her steps as usual, but there's something missing here. I'm not sure what. It seems like she's almost going through the motions. Plus, she's trying way too hard with the jolly character that it's kind of off-putting. Len didn't think the feather-dusting props were necessary because they wasted 20 bars. "Cleanliness is next to godliness," Bruno says. Also godly? Her timing, he says. Carrie Ann thinks it was too soft and muted.
Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas: Waltz
Melissa thinks it's time to get serious, but cannot get the posture right. So Mark and his Tower of Hair bring in mama, Shirley Ballas, to help her out. If Shirley gave Melissa advice, then it went in one ear and out the other. This is just awkward to watch. There's an elegance needed in the waltz and Melissa looks like a horse plodding around the floor. There is no fluidity or smooth glides. The posture is OK, but she looks stiff throughout and attempts a split in the middle. Is that in honor of Natalie? The bright side? Mark cut his hair. Bruno doesn't think it was good and says she got her feet in a jam at the end. Carrie Ann likes that she kept her puppies up, but agrees with Bruno. Len thinks it had musicality, loves the changes in the hold, and calls out his cohorts for being harsh. Pot, kettle.
Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer: Jitterbug
Matador Mark felt "horny" with his 26 for the Paso Doble last week, but now he's got to have some fun. Lacey takes him to a jitterbug club to help him get into character. "Jitterbug is not a dance; it's an attitude," a jitterbugger says. Mark's definitely got the 'tude down. This is the best performance of the night so far. He's got the boiterous energy down and is keeping pace with the frenetic movements. On top of that, he nails some tricks and gets some massive air on his flips. It's also nice to see him completely let loose for once. Carrie Ann tries to raise the roof, I think. Please don't do that anymore. Needless to say, she loves it. Len, ditto. Bruno calls it "spectacular," especially since he kept up with the "crazy kitty." He notes the stumble at the end.
Aaron Carter and Karina Smirnoff: Waltz
Aaron comes to rehearsals in a suit and with roses for Lady K to show his commitment. "I think you should come in a suit more often," she says. Preferably, a velvet green jacket. Once you get past that and Aaron's untamed hair, you see this is actually a pretty great routine. It's soft and romantic, and his posture and frame are perfect. He seems hesitant on some of the footwork, but the plethora of spins he does are gorgeous. It's certainly a more sophisticated A.C. on the floor. Len says he danced with maturity and calls it his best dance. Bruno says the boy has become a gentleman, but points out he lost his footing a few times. Carrie Ann calls it beautiful and loves the new Aaron Carter.
Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova: Waltz
No nickel up the butt this time. The solid frame and posture are right up Michael's alley, and he completely takes advantage of it here. I was expecting a disaster given his previous attempts at elegance in the Viennese waltz and quickstep, but this waltz is pretty decent. Mike's actually light on his feet for once and there's a sweet gentleness about it. Plus, he's totally charming, of course. The footwork is still pedestrian, but by his standards, this is an improvement. Bruno says it wasn't a premier league waltz. Carrie Ann calls them out on a lift and a stumble. Len, clearly drinking the kool-aid, says it's amazing three people could watch him dance and two could get it wrong. He says he had the best footwork of all the waltzes and says it was "really, really good."
Kelly Osbourne and Louis van Amstel: Jitterbug
Louis takes Kelly trapezing so she can confront her fear of heights and take a leap of faith - off the trapeze and in her dancing too! This show is so deep! Kelly may have jumped off the trapeze, but she's not completely taking the plunge here. Maybe she's trying to take it easy on her bum ankle, but this whole routine is incredibly reserved. Kelly's her usual adorable self, but there's nothing popping and engaging about the dance. Her technique is also uneven in certain places. Carrie Ann feels her courage is coming back and wants her to stay in her "happy place." Len finds it flat-footed and calls it a blueberry muffin without blueberries. So, a muffin? This is like when my ex-coworker who shall remain nameless continuously ordered "chicken pad thai without the chicken" for lunch. And no, she wasn't being ironic. Anyhow, Bruno wants Kelly to ignite the performance because everything was "kind of beige."
Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower: Jitterbug
Chelsie tries to apply Louie's double cork 1080s into their barrel spins and he's totally feeling it. This is actually a perfect dance for Louie since it's so animated and taps into his athleticism. He's got the character and the flips and tricks down pat, but tends to check out when it comes to the actual steps sometimes. It looks like the quick, small steps are too quick for his giant, heavy feet. And then there's the fact that he drops Chelsie. Ouch. Len loves the enthusiasm, but thinks he loses energy in some places. Bruno loves the wackiness, but wants him to be precise. Carrie Ann thinks it was great, but doesn't like him dropping Chelsie. Tom points out Louie has Chelsie's lipstick on his lips. "First base," Sam tells them backstage. Audible silence.
Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough: Waltz
Joanna's struggling with her frame after, like, three weeks straight of Latin numbers. But she's determined to put on a flawless dance after last week's flub. Her posture is looking top-notch here, but it seems like she's concentrating too hard on it. The lines and extensions are beautiful, but her footwork is a little off. And as sublime as they both looked, there was more chemistry between Maks and Joanna last week than there is between her and Derek here. Bruno says it was like watching a butterfly gliding over a meadow. Carrie Ann loves the neckline, but found some hesitation. Len says the footwork wasn't great, but loves the lack of props and calls it the best waltz of the night.
Donny Osmond and Kym Johnson: Jitterbug
Donny and Kym get the philanthropic package this week, teaching dance to some peeps. Donny's trademark hamminess is back, but you can't fault him here, especially with a train-inspired number. The over-the-topness of the number calls for it and he's bringing it. He slips up a little in the beginning, but gets on track (no pun intended). It's vibrant and bouncy, but Donny is having some trouble keeping up with Kym. Is his (gasp!) age catching up to him? Carrie Ann says they were out of sync a few times. Len loves the performance, but loathes the overload of "choo-choos." Bruno says Donny's a steam train trying to keep up with the bullet train, but likes it overall.
The rules: It's a classic ballroom competition where all the couples are on the floor at the same time. If you get tapped, you're out. The first couple tapped out gets 2 points; the last,10 points. The whole thing lasts four minutes. Melissa wants to bully everyone. Michael practices with blow-up dummys with his competitors' faces on them. "If Michael Irvin wants to accidentally bump into me, then he better accidentally wear a cup," Mya says. Louis and Kelly are going to freestyle it, aka they have no choreographed routine. This could work out well or totally backfire.
I'm not sure where to look here. I feel like I've walked into one of those jewelry boxes with those dancing ballerinas. Except there are nine of them, with mambo-ers. Before I can even find a place to focus, Michael and Anna are out with 2 points. Surprise, surprise. Louie and Chelsie are out next with 3 points. Kelly and Louis seem to be going the slowest and Melissa looks majorly rigid. She and Mark are out next with 4 points. Kelly and Louis follow with 5 points. Donny and Kym are dry-humping the floor, or something like it. Mark and Lacey are out next with 6 points. Donny and Kym get tapped out with 7 points. As he exits, Donny mambos over Derek, who's grinding flat on the ground, while Joanna's twirling her skirt by herself, looking like she's working the corner. And let's not forget their head-in-the-crotch hold that they did for 10 seconds. Family show, people! Aaron and Karina are out next with 8 points. That leaves Joanna and Derek vs. Mya and Dmitry. Joanna is shaking it more than Mya, but Mya's form is better since Joanna's showcasing her wobbly Bambi legs again. Mya and Dmitry come up short with 9 points, meaning Joanna and Derek win it with 10. Len loves the format. Bruno calls Joanna the sexiest hussy. Carrie Ann thinks Joanna had the spirit to win it.
That leaves Joanna and Derek on top of the leader board once again with 36 points. Michael and Anna are dead last with 22 points.
I didn't mind the marathon as much as I thought I would. Once a few couples were weeded out, it was easier to watch. There were some major camera work issues here though. We got no close-ups of the other end of the floor with Donny and Kym and Aaron and Karina. You couldn't get a good sense of how everyone was doing compared to each other.
What did you think? Was the mambo marathon a welcome addition to the show? Did Joanna deserve to win the 10 points? Did you see a new and improved Aaron? Is Kelly a blueberry muffin without the blueberries? Are you excited for the double elimination? Which couples do you think will get the boot?