This week, Ted finds himself at the mercy of a hot girl and refuses to see that she's just stringing him along. Meanwhile, Lily's ex-boyfriend Scooter returns - and he still thinks he's got a chance with the happily married Lily. Oh, and there's an impossibly cute teacup pig that you just have to see.
Future Ted opens this story by explaining to his kids that they're not going to hear a starry-eyed fairytale of valor and love. In this story, Ted is kind of a jerk. In the present, Ted arrives at MacLaren's and announces to the group that he's taking his newest girlfriend, Tiffany (Carrie Underwood), up to his apartment to look at his antiques collection. Barney exposits that Ted's referring to "bait" - an item of interest meant to disguise a guy's real intentions behind inviting a girl to his apartment. He explains that bait has to be interesting enough to interest the girl, but not so interesting that it takes the focus off the guy. For example, slot machines are too much fun, while trampolines are too dangerous. Barney's finally stumbled upon the perfect bait, though - a teacup pig. Ted is skeptical, but Robin, Lily and Marshall just about fall out of the booth, they're so enamored with the idea of a teacup pig. Ted sighs and asks if he can borrow the pig.
The teacup pig works like a charm. It gets Tiffany up to Ted's apartment and reduces her to a puddle of goo as she snuggles it. Ted asks her if she was always so pretty. She gives him an answer, but I can't hear her over the sound of how freaking adorable this teacup pig is. It's all snuggling up with its half-closed eyes and tiny pink head and flat ears and ridiculously adorable little snout and...aww.
Tiffany looks at Ted. "Do you know who else would love this pig? My boyfriend." Apparently Tiffany has an on-again, off-again boyfriend. She explains that she really likes Ted and doesn't want to lose him, so she asks him to be patient while she figures out the whole boyfriend issue.
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