'Bachelor' Season Premiere Recap: Seatbelts Fastened, Tray Tables Locked, Barf Bags Out

It's finally here, you guys. The Bachelor starts TONIGHT! Unless you've been living under some sort of wifi-less, basic cable-less rock, you know that this season stars pilot Jake Pavelka, the guy who:

A) Came on too strong to Bachelorette Jillian last season, but wooed the nation with his all-American abs

B) Accused last season's singing snake Wes Hayden of being a girlfriend-hiding, singing snake

C) Once played a younger version of Chuck Norris on Walker: Texas Ranger

D) Is about to inspire a record-setting number of pilot-puns, starting with this season's subtitle, "On the Wings of Love"

E) Has labored under the terrible affliction of being considered "too perfect" and "too nice" his entire life

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