Gael Greene puts the smackdown on the 'Top Chef Masters'

We've got the crème de la crème of the "Top Chef Masters" competitors -- so you'd think everyone there would know how to cook food properly. Apparently not.

The competitors:

Hubert Keller, French chef, mad genius, won his spot by cooking fab pasta in a dorm shower. Hopefully the diners ran through their entire course of antibiotics by now.

Suzanne Tracht, soft-spoken inventor of the modern steakhouse. She wowed the judges with her Lost supper/holiday dinner.

Rick Bayless, Chicago-based master of Mexican fine dining. He made beef tongue tacos that had the punters lining up for more.

Anita Lo, who melds Asian ingredients with French techniques. Her faux scallop stuffed with steak tartare was magically delicious

Michael Chiarello, the cookbook author and TV chef who went back to the restaurant to show the young guys how it's done. The judges flipped for his appetizers.

Art Smith, another Chicagoan (whoo-hoo!) who serves as Oprah's personal chef for years before opening his own place. He's the official court jester of the group - but a court jester who can cook.

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