'Survivor' recap: The First Blindside of the Season

The gorilla and the lion. Both fearsome animals. The kind you don’t want to mess with under any circumstances. But the circumstances are now these, my friends. The gorilla and the lion are no longer content to sit back in their zoos and curse you from afar as you snap poorly-zoomed photos from your cheap digital cameras. No, they are now protectors. And enforcers. You do something to the United States, you get the gorilla. You do something to the family, you get the lion. You do something to both the United States and the family? You get them both in the form of the most horrifically mutated beast never to appear on a SyFy channel Saturday night movie: the GORILION! That's right! Gorilion! More fearsome than Mansquito. More powerful than Dinocroc. More high-budget than Sharktopus…although I suppose that's not saying much. Whatever you do, don’t piss off the whack-job in the droopy fuchsia underwear or he will summon the beast. For only he is its master. And only he can unleash it from his secret agent secret lair, located somewhere between Lord Licorice and Gramma Nutt on the Candy Land game board map in his mind. GORILION SHALL DESTROY YOU ALL!!! But until then, let's recap episode 2 of Survivor: Redemption Island, shall we? Read More...



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