The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: You’re Only As Sick As Your Secrets

Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills finally delivered the drama we’d been waiting for all season, and in the process, we even got to meet a life coach with prison tattoos named Gary.

The episode kicked off with a reprise of Brandi confronting a Sur waitress about the time she slept with her then-husband Eddie Cibrian. After that, Lisa commiserated with Brandi about precisely how slutty her employee truly is, based on her face alone. And indeed, Scheana (I spelled it out!) does have the kind of face that just looks WEIRD without a dick in her mouth. It’s like when you see somebody without their eyeglasses or after they shaved off a mustache they’ve worn for decades.

Then Kyle visited Yolanda in her lemon grove. Apparently, Kim was meant to show up at Yolanda’s villa as well so that the statuesque Nederlander could show her the ins and outs of the Master Cleanse, which is a thing where girls with eating disorders look like they’re carrying their own piss around in Poland Spring bottles for a week. Well, Kim didn’t show up, but Kyle did, so Yolanda stuttered about how healthful it is to poison your guts with lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup (that last ingredient always gave me pause — who’s behind this thing, Mrs. Butterworth?) instead of eating food. Read More...


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