'American Horror Story: Hotel' S5E9: She Wants Revenge

★ ★ ★ ½

The heart of Hotel isn’t March’s infamous Room 64, it’s a vampiric love story worth glazing over in one fell swoop that’s rimmed with clichés about immortality. A lot of "She Wants Revenges" sidetracked before getting to the point. Ramona Royale was given an unnecessary backstory, Will Drake’s useless role in the show came to an end, Donovan showed where his loyalties lie, and the Lost Boys (and girls) have yet to be of any importance.

Now that I mentioned it, the idea of vampiric children is interesting at first given how creepy children are in horror films, but vampiric teenagers may have yielded even more effective results. As children, they’re a nuisance; but as teens, they might have stood a chance at becoming a genuine threat to Elizabeth and her way of life. For now, they’re the lost boys stuck at Neverland when they could have been The Lost Boys. Max and his army of spoiled children are only one of the many consequences of some really stupid mistakes on the immortals’ parts.

American Horror Story: S5E9

Ramona sired her father; Donovan, his mother; and Valentino, Elizabeth. The circle of blame goes round and round, but it all comes back to the Hotel Cortez and the vampires pulling each and every string until one of them snaps. Ramona’s revenge plot didn’t go as well as she thought when Donovan decided to hedge his bets with Elizabeth, who he’s too in love with her to notice that she could kiss him goodbye without a moment’s notice, and Ramona winds up getting betrayed at the very last second.

But before she got herself locked up in Elizabeth’s newest chamber of horrors, we got to see what became of Ramona in the the 20 years after the death of her lover. No, it wasn’t all spent swearing revenge against Elizabeth. Instead, Ramona made the incredibly idiotic move to give him the same immortality that made her so miserable and, in turn, kept him alive for 20 whole years longer than he should have had. It’s a immortality cliche and a storyline that only Angela Basset could save. A fantastic actress in Coven and Freakshow, it’s a shame to see her being used so scarcely.

While things didn’t go according to plan for Ramona, they did for Will Drake… or well, Elizabeth anyways. Like Ramona, Will Drake (and Cheyenne Jackson) has had very little to do on Hotel cast off to the sidelines like the Addiction Demon, his surviving this long has just been prolonging the inevitability of his death. It’s not surprising to see him go, and it’s even sadder to see that the "suffering" Elizabeth subjected him to was just to be Ramona’s dinner. If Elizabeth truly wanted these people to suffer, why did she give Ramona a snack? And why wasn’t Will Drake turned into a vampire himself so he could be off the menu? You’d think she’d want the man to live a little after he insulted her child.

It’s surprising how much of "She Wants Revenge" was dedicated to the vampires given the fact that John was just revealed to be the Ten Commandments Killer. But in a season that’s overpopulated with characters all with different agendas, one or more of them has to miss out on all of the action. This time it was John and Sally, who had to check out while the vampires allowed all hell to break loose — planned or not.

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